Ongoing List of Student Excuses for Not Following Directions in an Entirely Online English Course

1) "I didn't read your email, I'm not one who reads email." 2) "I was sick and I couldn't access the internet" (Our LMS later revealed to me that this particular student had logged into the course 5 times during the two week period he was supposed to be on his death bed.) 3) "The readings are too hard, we're not like doctors or anything." 4) "I don't have the luxury of checking my email from work and I work 13 hours a week." 5) "I never read your syllabus because it was too long." 6) "I don't have assignments due on that day in any of my other classes." 7) "I had a dance competition over the weekend so I wasn't able to turn in my assignment." (Um...so turn it in EARLY?) 8) "I do try to get what you want done in a timely manner." ('Timely' doesn't really cut it unless your assignment is actually ON TIME.)